Love

If you ask me about love, I'll point to my son. You're going to say, "no, not that kind of love" right? I'll get this crazed look on my face, then it'll turn into a silly grin, only to fade into a sad, sad look.

The crazed look is caused by my first thought when I hear the word love. I think about all the time, effort, and energy put into that relationship. When things don't work out, I feel like I've wasted my time. Why did I put all that effort into a world that he didn't really want to share? I thought for sure that's who I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. I guess I was wrong. I've been taken advantage of for being so loving and giving. Oh how I've changed.

That silly little grin will form when I think about how "high" on love I've been in the past. Everything seemed to be perfect. It's like being on top of the world I guess. I don't really know the words to describe what I felt or if the words even exist. My confidence soared and I felt complete. It's like he looks at you and you know life can't get any better. I felt absolutely amazing inside and out. It's like that search is over and you can finally begin to live the rest of your life.

Now I'm wearing a sad face because I think about all the heartache. Like I mentioned before things just didn't work and now your world is shattered into pieces. It feels like your heart can never be healed because the one you love isn't the right one. I begin to wonder if there is such a thing as the right one. I'm all alone in a dark place feeling trapped, like I'll never be able to pick myself back up. With all the love I'm capable of giving, don't I deserve to get that same love in return? Hope is all that's left.

Love is great; love is horrid. I love with all I've got and put my heart on the line. I always expect the pain, but always forget just how bad it can hurt. So don't look at me like I'm crazy when you ask me about love and you see how the expressions on my face go from crazed to happy then to sad.